tell the world that Jesus lives!

2006-09-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

2006-08-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

Pink Floyd's wish you were here could actually be, my life's anthem.
Course, hopefully (or not), I've barely lived half of my life, and hence could be considered too early to say such a thing. But nonetheless, nothing will ever change about this.

Roger Waters writes killer. If only I could be one inch as good as him.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell, blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field, from a coastly rail
A smile from a veil
Do you think you can tell, did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts, hot ashes for trees,
hot air for a cool breeze, cold comfort for change
Did you exchange, a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year
Running over the same old grounds, how we found
the same old fears, wish you were here.

Yeah, hate me for I'm emo.
Although it can be seen as dripping emoism from word to the next, you have to admit.
Its stupidly brilliant. Work of a genius, a complete lyrical masterpiece.

I don't sound like I have prelims at all do I. Absolute wonders.

2006-08-08T00:33:00.000-07:00

We watch the world spinning in its reverie, and think to ourselves whether we got what we really wanted. Then again, we are not even sure what we wanted or why we wanted it in the first place. These questions flood our mindless minds as though we did not have enough to worry about, but nonetheless we appreciate our distraught, for it reminds us we are human.

The world is beautiful, no? Alas, if all else were to fade to form nothingness, I would still have you by my side and you would still have me. All I really needed was to look into your eyes, and tell you truthfully that it is still beautiful.

You did not take a liking to the obsidian-like structures that the world held, you just liked nature for nature gave you comfort. You seeked comfort with rapt desire because you know that you could never actually come within reach of it. You grew weary of trying to touch it, for it was just too far away and you had reached your physical limits one Friday.

Falling back, you feel like giving up only to find yourself in my arms just before you actually hit the ground. That was right, and you are not hallucinating. I am here, because I loved you and believed in you. I must admit, I am not the strongest person but I'll do my best to protect you. It is not your place to give up yet, not when you have not realised your dream.

Cliche yes, but practised no. It is time for you to show others that inspirational movies are not just a passing screen. Run, love, run like you have the wind beneath you because I am here holding you.

Don't be afraid, for I promise I will not let you go. And I did promise to protect you, did I not? Then that is good. Free those paper cranes won't you, and I shall pray it will not rain. The sun will beckon to us, and we will not find ourselves trapped in the nothingness anymore. Instead, you will be in somewhere called Heaven, and I promise you the cranes will be there with you.

Meanwhile, I will watch over the stars, just in case.

2006-06-26T03:42:00.000-07:00

(i have taken to korean dramas. and i never stopped loving fields and green tea.)

also, i feel empty and looking at these photos have a temporary effect on me.
i don't exactly know whether they're good, or not but they, trigger something
something dwelled up so deeply in me that i can hardly describe it.
makes me wonder whether my vocab is sufficient for a daily basis.
it inspires me, and at the same time stumbles me for reasons i don't exactly know.

and yes, it is almost unbearable to remain in this uninspired state but here i am, staring blankly at this screen as though if i stared hard enough i could fix it. in the meantime, i think asian talents like susie suh and rachael yamagata are wonders to their own profession, they make our own local (asian yes, talent - questionable.) artists sound like frauds. alright fine, we must promote local talent, so they're relatively, no sufficiently reasonable.

THEN SUH'S A GENIUS.

2006-05-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

music: mister brightside - the killers

you know what. i think medicine should be free. life, should not be equated by money. can you imagine, hospitals give the best treatment to .. the people who can afford it. and even worse, those kind who aren't on the brink of death, but just simply want to look "beautiful", in the name of society. all these medical resources are wasted on these people, when they could have been used to save a few children, somewhere out there. i just can't seem to weigh: beautify self vs. saving a kid who just can't afford any medicine. its just not right, to look past someone right in front of you who really needs help, just because he/she can't afford it. their lives, are their rights. and yet us vicious upper hierachy pretend that they are invisible, that these people do not exist, and go on to treat someone else who can afford big money.

okay, so we can't save certain people. in africa, suffering from HIV and everything. but really, what do we term as saving? is saving preventing their death? because no matter how advance our human technology is, we do not wield Godlike power. death is inevitable, and thankfully so. our purpose should be to help these people make the most of their remaining lives, and in the process, add something meaningful into our own lives. some people just want someone to be there for them, someone to love them. sure it would be nice to live long lives, but at the end of the day, its not the length of your life but rather what you did with it. "our purpose should not be to delay death, but improve the quality of life." - patch adams.

there are so many people who cannot afford medical treatment. they can't fly to america and receive medical care, they're stuck in nigeria and they're downright going to die. just because they're poor, indirectly, they die.

its just wrong. wrong wrong wrong.

what difference are them to us? we are all humans, why. why do we neglect them, why do we ignore their existance. okay sure, we know they exist but do we bother doing anything about it. oh its just too bad, but why can't we just stop being so self centered and do something! it is not just our world, its their world too. and their lives. money should not add worth and value to a person's life. neither should superiority of race.

this is not just about medicine, there's a CARE in medical care for a reason. so we're not doctors, we don't have any knowledge except paracetemol and calamine lotion. so what. do you think pencillin will save the world? think, how can drugs save a world belonging to humans. humans, save the world belonging to humans. no, the love for humans, others, will save the world.

"And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Matthew 22:39)

but of course. we're humans and since sin is in the world whether we like it or not, it would be extremely hard. and the world will never be perfect because we, are evil selfish uncontented beings. okay, most of us are and i must say, i can be as mean as a goat if i want to, especially if you catch me at a certain time of the month.

but then again, there's a reason why
Jesus Christ saved us.

/

meanwhile, the exams rock as much as teletubbies.

2006-05-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

music: chicago - sufjan stevens(:

after so many countless attempts at writing one solid good piece of poetry that does more than convey what i want, here's one that i reckon is reasonably sucessful. and i have s. stevens to thank for the inspiration.

what illinois does to you

as we drive into illinois
your voice in my head echo
like blinding city lights from my memories
i start to think about how i really know you

we head down along main road
i bet someone out there's winning
you turn up the radio its your favourite song
and you start singing along, along so strong

we turn around the corner
its one crowded saturday night in chicago
you make a grin and we take a break at the grocer's
you arm yourself with cup noodles and toilet rolls at a discount

we take another bend and find ourselves
along the highway, its one crowded saturday night
you stand up with your hair in the wind and throw your arms into the air
the convenience of a convertible and the rolling stones

we stop at a flimsy hotel room
its walls are harder than they seem
the floor smell suspiciously of vomit as we throw our single broken luggage
but you say that's not going to stop us, no way

with prevailing self confidence ready to take on the world (plus illinois)
we climb onto the balcony and up to the floor with the sky as its ceiling
you wrap yourself with the star spangled banner and you dance and sing hallelujah
and i start to think about how i really know you

you amazing you
you make me feel like loving you

meanwhile, the exams start tomorrow and i plan to start my buttkicking conquest of the english essay. hip hip hooray. did i also mention that i am in love with sufjan stevens's chicago and train's all american girl? okay, i am in love with chicago and all american girl. there's something fishy going on here. is it me, or do they all seem so connected with freedom of individuality? hmm. must be my subconscious calling.

2006-04-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

i've been really .. sluggish lately. surprise surprise. my body's like a sloth, moving about a few cm every now and then. my mind, is revolving, no drowning in things that choke up my head to the extent that i don't even know what they are now. i have to force myself to focus before i can recall what those things are. this must be the exams finally taking its toll, yet somehow i don't feel the urgency of the exams even though under the much unappreciated nagging of my parents, studying perhaps is the only thing i do these days besides the day's quintessentials.

i blame it on the purpose of the exams. it, being this vaguish, blurred feeling. i think i've lost the purpose of studying, and of course doing whatever i can to go through the day, month. my purpose has sort of, dropped away. doing things just for the sake of doing them, i assure you isn't fun. only then you achieve my current mental state. i seem to be studying just to get through with it, just to get that 6 points and get on with my life. only occasionally, on sundays and fridays, my purpose is re-established, only to find it evaporated within the next two days.

you know, i can just foresee myself in the future. hopeless, helpless, and who's only sense of emotion is through joni mitchell. speaking of that, i seem to develop a new fetish for rachael yamagata's music. i have a feeling its because it gives me a sluggish feel. oh well.

Summer

as the carousel spun its revolving one hundredth anniversary
school's out and children flood the streets
multicoloured bands, different branded bodywear
uniform feeling of freedom's arrival

we watch from the windows the flag flying high as
the traffic lights turn from red to orange to green
stores hang 'closed' signs as people gather with far too many balloons
as the governor makes his speech, the summer parade revitalizes

we take this chance to shun away from attention
and run for some fun with a trolley
we speed along aisles taking everything we want
and everything we don't

but when we get out only to find ourselves going back in
we're not crooks, we're just people who want to make life more than
microwavable tosh, that one fine summer day.

right. i have no idea what that was about either. but it sure made me feel better.

2006-04-12T03:18:00.000-07:00

i don't want to think, because i know i'm too young.
but it doesn't stop me from knowing how to feel.
but sometimes i wish i didn't.

/

because although i love you to bits,
you're an expert at breaking my heart

but doesn't everyone experience this?
at least some people are smart enough to glue it back together

me?
im no doctor.

then again, how many people have hearts to be broken.
/

how melancholic, and i'm wondering whether i should be writing these kind of things, because .. well just because. i was going to post my views about the latest iran - america - nuclear weapon triangle, but i think i will keep my political voice to myself for now. because that would make me even more grumpy than i already am, and i must say i need to stop this because mornings are bad enough.

i want to see a specific somebody ( a.s.s for short, hehheh) because i really miss a.s.s even though its not like i haven't seen a.s.s for a dreadfully long time. in fact, i just saw a.s.s last week. but still, i miss a.s.s alot. because suddenly one week (less than that actually) without a.s.s seems so long and sad because a.s.s makes me happy. i don't know how a.s.s and i got to be such happy friends, but really. right now the thing i want to do is to go exploring or something with a.s.s in africa or the himalayas or like, uhm mountain biking. or basically fooling around, that would be cool. but i will be happy just to sit down and have milo and pizza with a.s.s, because i miss a.s.s. alotalotalot. hmm now that i think about it i miss a.s.s and a whole lot of people. and it would be spiffing fantastic if we all went to cambodia together. ):

haha, a.s.s isn't my brother by the way.

you're wonderful, but you don't know it.

2006-04-06T00:20:00.000-07:00

you know what, i cant stand this anymore. i am really sickened by this world.

this is in reference to a certain article which i shall not name in fear i might start an international uproar.

honestly, who are they to treat saddam hussein the way they did. although saddam is a scumbag and he has done many wrongs, if they were to say they were just 'upholding justice' and 'being the good side', that is just so full of bull i tell you.

what good would it do to kill saddam. what good would it do to treat him as though he's beneath you and beneath the dogs. yes he is responsible for the destruction of many lives but what good would it do to destroy one more. justify that by saying you're eliminating evil and is only giving him the punishment he deserves? and you call him a beast. sure he is one, but what good would it do if just to destroy one beast brings about the awakening of another beasts within us.

firstly, they don't even give him respect. sure why give a murderer respect? one who has brutally ruined so many lives? there is a simple reason - he is a human. he's one of us, no matter whether you like it or not. he can become a good man and make up for some of the wrongs he has done but the thing is that, the problem with us is that we just refuse to let them have second chances. how can he turn around from his evilness if you only treat him with evil in return? and we accuse him of destroying the world. arrogance has simply thrown away humanity. you don't even let him go into court with his dignity - you ask him to stand with his back to the bench facing the gallery. and when you retort to him back sucessfully, placing a firm power over him, the whole court smiles with glee.

gross.

he doesn't stand a chance, because we are simply not giving it to him. seeing him in embarassment and powerless brings smiles to our faces- what?? and this is by the 'good guys', and worse, a country that proclaims itself to be a christian country. what happened to love them like Jesus. God loved us, even though we committed such terrible sins and yet He still laid down His life for us for the simple reason that He loved us.

we weren't worthy of His love, and yet He still put Himself beneath the eyes of the world and up on the cross. why can't we just love our brothers the way He loved us. we were definitely not worthy of His forgiveness, yet we are forgiven because of His love.

a few years ago, a man named napoleon beazley was excueted for committing a murder when he was a teenager. weeks before his excuetion, protests were held against it, people did not want him to die. why? because he had changed, changed into a man that i can only stand afar and admire.

"In my heart, I have to believe that there is a peaceful compromise for
our ideals. I don't mind if there are none for me, as long as there are
for those who are yet to come. There are a lot of men like me on death
row -- good men -- who fell to the same misguided emotions, but may not
have recovered like I have." - napoleon beazley, on his death row.

and as expected, there was no second chance for him. he died.

so many people out there, could turn and change to be come just like napoleon, including saddam. it only takes a bit of love from us to help them turn around.

2006-04-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

seems to me that nowadays i don't really post much, paragraphs that are full of substance as compared to some of my intelligent beyond description friends.
i don't know. i guess i'm just pretty tired, and i find no remedy in expressing my weariness in chunks of bamboozling comforts and logic. i remember those days when i blogged like an random idiot and how my day on the beach went. then i started to be slightly more full of substance and brought christianity and others into my writings. typings, some may say. no doubt it has helped me alot. and i thank God that He blessed me with the ability to see the limit of my shallowness.

but for now, i think i can not express God's goodness as well as others and in religious materials you find in the library. well i know i can't, because it has never really been my knack. so i'll just write whatever comes out in this and the future entries to come. they mean things, but i could never really express them word to word.

/

we would have been star-crossed,
if we had loved each other
death was never the worst thing,
but uncontrollable separation was.

/

we watched too many movies
whatever happened to shakespeare?
no, modernisation made its mark on the silicon screen

now we're influenced by what we see,
and read, well done nicholas sparks.

/

i want to eat a pizza.
four cheese and tv would be nice.

2006-03-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

the stage for anthems

hear mister sunshine calling your name,
wake up, we don't have much time to build a line
between sanity and the world's faces
maybe that explains why we're so fine

happiness isn't something you easily make
come on, you know i'll wipe the tears away from your eyes
cos i love you, you know that's not a lie
cos i find you strange and pretty fine

how i wish we could wrap our arms around the world,
you know this could be our final bow
but you know, with the sun shining on our side
we'll leave this place in style

its easier to hide than to show
your love to the whole wide world
stop crying cos its easier to smile though heaven seems like a mile
we've got each other for wings and that's all that matters

how i wish we could wrap our arms around the world
you know this could be our final bow
but you know, with the sun shining on our side
we'll leave this place in style

when you've been thrown down,
and the world's done nothing to make it better,
when you've got so much to prove,
and it seems like there's nothing left to lose,
when you've got one last chance of desperation,
hold your head high, hold your head high

we can wrap our arms around the world
and its not our final bow
and with the sun shining on our side
we'll live our lives in style
we can jump up and land on stars
and we'll find a way to bring them back down
cos if you want me to i'll catch one for you
so you'll always know that i love you

- this is for you. (:

2006-03-28T06:41:00.000-08:00

you know what! i have developed a new fetish for new age classical music. yes i know, drop your mouth in wonder.

currently listening: vanessa mae- contradanza

i know. amazing isn't it. well fellow new age classical music lovers of this world, cherish this astounding moment that your population has increased by 1, for somehow i know this fetish will not dwindle on my carefree heart for long. now my itunes has taken itself to play bond's victory. among my ponderings of coordinate geometry and the occasional integration, i have this image of shimmering egyptian trinkets and little people of the world dancing around a fish market.

this is what tiredness does to you, since you haven't been sleeping much lately - it does your creativity wonders! hurrah hurrah for the sleepless journeys.

i've been feeling rather grumpy lately, a constant scowl has made its mark on my face. i hope my new fetish will remove some of the rainy clouds in my mind. its just that things haven't been working well lately (has it, ever? its called life, dears) and i've been feeling rather annoyed at certain friends. nawh, its none of you.

i wrote a song about you and your rainbow braces
you reminded me of dandelions in the air,
happy and flying high
but you never really knew that someone like me was glad for you.

its a bit weird, you know. but somehow i don't feel like posting anything that really means much to me here. i remember posting a whole lot of things that were really personal to me, but now, everything just seems such a far distance away. maybe i'm just too tired to actually pursue them, till my mind's totally focused on things that do not matter.

no that's not true. i don't focuse on things that don't matter.
i just don't focuse anymore. ~~and perhaps you're the cause of it.~~

but ohwell. the violins are fantastic. i feel like prancing around in my confinement zone like a reindeer, unleashed from its rein! does that make me a deer.

2006-03-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

well today was certainly interesting. so was yesterday, for that matter. i am feeling rather cheerful right now in exuberance. tomorrow's camp! and after that i'll be flying off to ****, which at first i had no interest in until my dearest mother told me that i could cycle along the mountains. ain't that spiffy, just what i needed.

so i watched nanny mcphee today! (that goes under the few things that made today interesting) and it was a pretty good show and i don't mind watching it again. i would crawl out of bed to watch colin firth, he's such a gentleman and his accent, .. (: it makes up for his rather, (somehow nerd comes into my head) looks. my friends and family are such duperb people. although at the moment, im feeling pretentiously annoyed at a certain few but i keep thinking of nanny mcphee so that helps.

this ruins the whole happy thing: i wonder how am i going to finish my homework when im at camp and after that im going away. although yes, i will bring books to ****, but. but but but but ): i shan't let the bothers of school ruin my precious happy mood (as some of you may know, i haven't been exactly on the top of the world) and i found something i wrote in my scrap poem file which meant at that point of time when i was writing it, i thought it wasn't the top of my game. i still don't think it is, its lacking something.

'woe to me'
some random quote random ones used
a page in the library
no, she was trying to source for communism instead.

somehow, this reminds me of panda and fatcat.

2006-03-04T03:42:00.000-08:00

i'm blimey sick. i do hope i'm sick enough on monday so i don't have to attend school if not for the hibiscus. by the way i plead for help: i've discovered that half of the hibiscus bush that i thought was still alive has died. shows you how much i actually bother looking at the plants. therfore, i have no idea how am i going to get a hundred hibiscus for the good of the level in biology. anyway happy birthday, codfish(: you're more special than you know.

so its saturday, and another week has gone into the oblivion. haven't been feeling extremely well as mentioned above and some circumstances have only made it worse. but i'm happy, at least i managed to get some sleep. sleep is of the essential! (:

i really owe it to God that i've made it through this week without erupting. at this point of time, "i've got peace like a river" makes a grand entrance into my headspeakers. it was rather strange, but after a long trying day at around 12:30 am, i was about to do some quiet time. (this was not planned, i just happened to be studying that book at that point of time and that chapter of the book on that, particular day)

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." - john 3: 16. yes, the famous verse which any christian is bound to know.

then it occurred to me, sure i know it but understanding was different. it hit me then more than ever, that it doesn't matter how trying the times are, how the world seems to be going in all different directions except the direction you want it to go, how tired you are and possibly in my case, how sick you feel. though all these may serve as logical reasons to be sad, john 3:16 is the reason above all those other reason to rejoice. for at the end of the day, the world will fade away and ultimately, it doesn't matter how many A's you've got or anything, because God loves us and because we believe in Him, we are saved.

and that reason is big enough to celebrate for every, single day of your life. i know i haven't exactly been rejoicing alot, and yes i'm guilty of succumbing to the Pretty Mortifying Swings but i'm trying(: i know a whole lot of people out there aren't having the best of all days too, but hey! it never hurt to smile. (:

plain white t's - radios in heaven
do they have radios in heaven
i hope they do
cos they're playing my song on the radio
and im singing it to you
im singing it to you

isn't that such a sad song. my mum's stressing to my dad how i don't have all the ten year series books to all the subjects and how others have it and that its no use for me to stare at textbooks. i wonder whether it has occured to her that i do, do work other than read the textbook. this was their reaction to when they found out i had a fever: that's cos of your lack of vitamins. have you had redoxon yet? you cannot fall sick, you have to study. ohwell. its all for the greater good i suppose!

2006-02-27T05:50:00.000-08:00

i have a feeling february has been a rather harsh month for most of us. all of us, i daresay in one way or another. one, i lost my wallet but thankfully someone nice has it and now i have to go get it from him. that is, the least of february.

and so we often go on predicting that the rest of the next 8 months would be equally as dreadful until the olevels end. yes, the equality of studying till your brain juice oozes all out for 8 more months till we're free! for a month. as panda put it.

but after thinking for a while, is it all really that bad?

we humans naturally tend to see the darker side of the storm, although knowing full well that the sun would shine again. however, at that moment in time we refuse to acknowledge that and continue to glope around. i know lately i've been doing just that. in fact, most of my life really.

"even though i walk through the valleys of the shadows of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff comfort me." psalms 23:4 - one of my first memory verses. only now it starts to shape real meaning into my head.

in the midst of our troubles, there are always things to be joyful and give thanks for. now? thank God someone nice has found my wallet. haha. (:

2006-02-18T01:05:00.000-08:00

well, today sure was rough. looking back, i had no idea why i was looking forward to the weekend. but after tremendous amounts of flooding, (thank goodness for kleenex), i've settled for a more accepting persona.

delirious - find me in the river
find me in the river
find me there
find me on my knees
with my soul laid bare
even though you're gone
and i'm cracked and dry
find me in the river
i'm waiting here for you

i don't feel to the best of my physical bests, but sometimes its good to feel tired. makes you feel human, i suppose. after all, we can't all keep the weight of the world on our shoulders all the time. this is where we realise that no, we can't carry everything at all. thankfully for us, we will then see that all along, there was Someone who could.

anyway, school's starting to feel a drag. especially biology. at the rate its turning out, you might wonder whether my bio teacher is a nazi or something. nawh, just kidding. at least hitler's dead.

hawhaw. i just realised that my extremely overdue valentine's day presents are due in two days. cheese and whiskers! to help boost my lowselfesteem right now, or just plainly to see what i think of myself, here! http://kevan.org/johari?name=ihavearunnynose

2006-02-17T22:23:00.000-08:00

does this work?
oh i do hope it does.